thehostelwitness

Laos photoset uploaded

Its great what a day off on the computer will accomplish. Laos photos are now up for perusal.

 

Laos Photoset

Mae-sa Valley, Chiang Mai

These past few days in Chiang Mai have been a blast. For those not "in the know", Chiang Mai is located in Northern Thailand, just a couple hours south of the "Golden Triangle" - an area composing the border zones of Thailand, Laos, and Myanmar. Chiang Mai is famous for its beautiful mountain scenery and many Thais come here in the wintertime for a respite from the heat.

There are loads of things to do and I was blown away by the options. Canopy tour, jungle hike, elephant camp, white-water rafting, etc. What to do? Well, inspiration struck in the form of a 300cc Honda motorcycle. Hell, I survived Laos - what better place to go riding than here in the mountains?

Its the only way to go. What better way to experience the tranquility of the Thai countryside than by ripping through it on a loud bike? I rode up Doi Suthep mountain, a hill overlooking Chiang Mai, to visit the winter palace. From there, it was down through the Mae-sa Valley, one of the most scenic areas I've ever seen. I spent a couple hours off bike at the Mae-sa waterfalls, a series of 10 waterfalls to cool me off on the hot summer day.


I loved it. And since that famed day, I've been in recovery mode. Thai massage and photo editing is the theme of the last couple of days. I visited my friends at the restaurant - the famed "vagina cleaning" restaurant and last night they offered me a lotion to cool off my sunburned arms. I looked at the bottle labeled "intimate cleanser" and politely declined. What is it with this place?

Its back off to Udon Thani tomorrow. In the meantime, enjoy some photos!

Chiang Mai photoset

The Green Tulip, Chiang Mai

With my Thai classes on a one week break, after a quick weekend back in Udon visiting the kids, I decided to head up north, to Thailand's famed Chiang Mai. Sadly, its not much cooler here...with the heat index registering 104 degrees. Still, the temples here are beautiful and I'm hoping to be able to explore a little bit out of town today.

Last night I had dinner at a small Thai restaurant and had a blast. The two waitresses were both in English school, so were more than happy to practice their English with me. One of their friends, a boy of about 15, joined us. I'm afraid my English became progressively worse and harder to understand as I was plied with Chang Beers. The boy had just returned from the store where he had picked up pictures of his boyfriend as well as some facial cleanser.

"How do you say what this is in English?, " he asked.
"Ah, its "FACIAL CLEANSER", " I naively replied.
"OK. Did you know that the girls use this stuff to clean their VAGINAS!"

Small wonder Jessica Simpson swears by the stuff...

The Laos National Culture Park, Vientiane

I heard this joke the other day: G.W. Bush takes a jog one day through a Washington DC neighborhood. On one particular street corner stands a prostitute - big hair, streaked makeup, torn nylons - the works.
"So how much?" asks the President.
"$120"
"hehe...I'll give you $5."
The woman turns him down and GW proceeds on his way. The next morning, the same routine. $5 still isn't enough for him to get some action.
Later on, Hillary Clinton decides to join Bush on the jog. As they pass the prostitute, George - whose nervous Hillary might find out he has spoken with the prostitute - ignores her and they jog by.
Suddenly, GW hears a commotion and the prostitute is running after him, shouting, "See what you get for $5!"

End Joke. A Polish person told me this joke. How far has the image of the United States of America fallen when the Polish are telling American jokes? Egads.
Vientiane has been fantastic. I met my aformentioned polish friend the other day and the guy is a riot, telling tons of stupid jokes that make absolutely no sense, even to me. And having been in town for a few days, he knew of the weirdest little communist local bars that of course, I had to go to. One of these bars was the darkest bar I have ever been in in my entire life. You couldn't see your hand in front of your face. Horrible music was being played, with locals dancing traditional style...that is to say old white person dancing, but with more hand motions like they were buffing a car. And the creme dela creme of the night was when a tall, 50ish Laotian came onto stage and burned through a rendition of the Tenessee Waltz. You have not lived - I repeat, you have not lived until you have seen a crowd of 40 something Laos doing the electric slide to a man singing the Tenessee Waltz. In Laos.
I'm really fortunate to have run into the Polish here in Vientiane, as today I was able to fufill a lifelong wish with his prodding: Holy cow, I loved it. And I'm going to get me one. It was amazing everything I was able to see today, just a couple hours ride outside of town. Modern six lane freeways with cars swerving around a herd of cows, rice patties as far as the eye can see, and little kids chasing after me laughing as I rode on through their village.
There was also something called the Lao National Culture Park, which was a near-abandoned and overgrown park off the freeway. Inside was bizzare: rows of empty, dirty benches, an amphiteater with the jungle busy reclaiming it, and sadly, monkeys chained to a tree inside a tiny 4X4 cage. You could almost imagine what this place was like when it first opened: the birthday celebration of some Communist magistrate would fill the park with loyal party members, all looking at the animals and sculptures with their family by the Mekong. And now forgotten, even by the locals.
So the whole day riding was fantastic - as well as absolutely horrifying, the first half hour anyway, getting the whole brake-clutch-gas-balance thing down. But I did it and by the end of the day couldn't wait to get back on again. It won't be long, I promise you that.

Coffee and croisants in Vientiane

its hard to believe that its been another month already in thailand. I find myself in laos for a few days, at the mercy of a internet cafe who's computers decide randomly when to let me capitalize. not that it really matters.

Vientiane, the sleepy little capital of the people's democratic republic of laos, is only a couple hours bus ride away from udon and so made for the ideal little getaway - a vacation within my vacation. i arrived to the sounds of rockets flying off into the rainy skies - a tradition dating back centuries, the rockets a kick off to the rainy season, carrying with it the wishes of the farmers of this small country in a prayer for rain. well, they got it. the downpours keeps my toes wet, but the temperature low, so while I can't really take any pictures, i don't mind it too much.

really though, this is the quietest national capital I have ever been in. To try and put the city in perspective, udon is a sleepy little town compared to bangkok. vientiane is a sleepy little village compared to udon. it may have more people, but fewer cars and in a bit of a paradox, tons more foriegners (its a capital - so all of the country's NGOs are based out of here). Its a bit misleading...you see a lot of cafes and restaurants, but not even a few minutes out of town you are back in one of the least developed countries in the world. another illustration - flying to a city north of here called luang prabang will take only 40 minutes. taking a bus on the roads here will make that trip 11 hours long!

I guess so far, in my assessment of 20 hours here, the best thing about this city - and something you won't find really even in bangkok - are that there are loads of bakeries. you can thank the french for that - so by some odd circumstance of fate, I found myself consuming my first french pastry in months in laos of all places.

The food here also takes some hunting around for bargains. the western restaurants can easily cost you nearly 60,000 kip for a meal and a beer, where eating at the riverside food stands will still run you more than 30,000. But keep hunting and you can stumble on the night stalls where you can fill your belly for just 4,000 kip. That's basically a 26,000 kip foriegner surcharge.

As a little sidenote, but keeping with the food track, the other night my friend Pi Phoon made the absolute spiciest dish i have ever had in my life. ever. the name of the dish translates to forest curry and its basically stewed meat and red curry. but something in it transformed my indomitable human spirit and love for mankind into a wimpering little bitch. I will never forget it for as long as i live. 

Prince Prajak Monument, Udon Thani

There's not much beauty to find in Udon Thani. No matter what standards you compare it to, there is little to be found in the concrete slabs of buildings and 4 lane roads. Its ugly.

But it would be unfair to say that Udon is alone in this judgement. Most of Thailand is like this once you get away from the famous beaches and jungle landmarks, or the pristine temples which benefit from their resident staff of monks who clean it daily. The same can be said for pretty much anywhere - no one doubts the beauty of the United States, but it isn't exactly Kent, Washington or Detroit that they are sticking onto the postcards. Like anywhere - except mayble, Kent - the beauty of Udon comes in the little things.

One of my favorite little things is a normal, run of the mill roundabout. This one happens to have a statue of a Thai prince in the center, but at any time in the year it'll be decorated with flowers, adorned with amulets, and hidden in a thick smoke of incense rising from the hundreds of candles burning at its base. This is no buddhist monk, so what's the big deal?

It turns out, the locals gather here to pray - no, wish - for good things to happen to them. They wish to get a promotion at work or for a sudden windfall of cash. And the best part about this particular roundabout, which is always surrounded by an army of cars buzzing around it like ants, is the people jogging around the statue no matter what part of the day. At first, I thought that this was another weird little excersize quirk - the sidewalks are so horrible here that it might just be better to go running in circles for a half hour. The truth though, is that these people who you spot running around this statue are fufilling their part of the bargain. At some point, they needed something, they came to the statue and made a wish, and in return for the granting of the wish, they promised something - in the case of the joggers, they promised to run around the statue 100 times.

So while it is odd to see, its also happy - you see these joggers and you know that something postive has happened to them in the past week. For me, and for the people that live here, its a little symbol of hope.

There are other little beauties that you find here. Whole streets come alive at night with food stands, all clustered closely together. Most of these vendors have been doing this all of their lives and have formed a sort of bond with the other - so the one stand will serve noodles, the other serve concentrates on rice dishes, some serve seafood, and others do chicken and pork - but none do everything. Everyone charges the same prices and there is no undercutting. Capitalism, but without the cut-throat sense of competition. Pretty much how it used to be.

I get to the orphanage on the back of a sangtaew, a pickup truck with benches. Lately, with school starting up they become packed with people and so its not unusual to find me going down the freeway, standing on a stepladder behind the tailgate - the concrete is litterally flying beneath my feet. A slip and its history for me - but besides being hella fun, its one of those things that you can literally never do back home and here, its perfectly acceptable.

Really though, I wouldn't be able to get anywhere if I waited around for an empty sangtaew to roll by. Even if I do get a seat, I eventually lose it as women board (a custom seen everywhere in the world) and suddenly, I'm back on the outboard. And it never fails to bring smiles to their faces to see the tall farang clutching the metal railing for his life.

In fact, most of the locals I interact with are women, only because they tend to be the ones working in the stores and shops while the men tend to be out laboring somewhere, and also because, well - why not?

Wet willy's in Udon Thani

Yesterday was a happy reunion of sorts, as Amy - one of the original volunteers at the orphanage - turned up with boxes of custard cake in hand. I was very happy to see Amy, not only because she's Thai and could help translate, but also for the aformentioned boxes of custard cake. The lady can bake.

She pulled up in her Toyota as I was involved in yet another serious session of freeze tag. "Aren't you supposed to be teaching English?", she asked me.

Well, um..yeah. I guess so. Yes, I am.

So it was that 10 minutes later, I was teaching English. Its hard enouch teaching new words to kids, but harder still when they can't even understand the characters to properly record the pronunciation of the word. The best they could do is write what it sort of sounds like in Thai, but even that's impossible when you are talking about sounds like "its" - there are no Thai words that use that sound. The same goes for "th" - as in "they" or "the".

I had the same problem when I moved to the States from Japan. Every other day I had to be pulled out of class to sit with a language specialist to work on my "th"s and "ts"s. At least then I had the advantage of knowing how to read the words. Here, the kids don't even have that, so it can be quite a challenge.

Another difference - I rarely miss a day of work. And though I realize that this doesn't exactly qualify as work, it feels like it and so I try really hard not to miss a day out there. But when you have days like today - when the polluted air and playing tag with little kids finally gets to you and you find yourself with the sniffles and coughs, even though you know you can get through a day easy, its just not worth the risk of giving a cold to one of the sick kids. I don't like being a person that says "see you tomorrow" and then doesn't show up, but I certainly don't want to be responsible for giving someone a chest cold. Its a bit of adjustment.

After leaving the orphanage, Amy and I headed over to Pi Phoon's house in the northern part of town for dinner. Pi Phoon is great - she runs a medical supply company with her husband, Montry and son, Tang. Montry always has a cold half-liter of Singha waiting for me and it doesn't take long for Pi Phoon to whip out four different Thai dishes - including one Chinese dish, Chap Chae, which is also a Korean dish - so I got a little taste of home.

So after class today, the only real item on the agenda was to mail off a thick envelope filled with letters written by the kids to the other volunteers, now stateside. I was given 12 stamps to affix to the envelope - its a good thing it was a big envelope - but even affixing the stamps proved to be a challenge. All the stamps have images of the king on them. And because of this, it is illegal to lick the back of a stamp. I ended up sitting in the post office for a good five minutes, trying to figure out how I was going to do this without looking like an ignorant falang when I remembered I had a water bottle in my bag. Dip the finger in the water bottle, rub the stamp, affix stamp, repeat 11 more times.

So no licking, but wet-willy's are A.O.K.

Its a long way from Bangkok by bus.

Just stepping off of a 9 hour bus ride from Bangkok for a quick weekend away. Not really a fun ride, but its incredibly cheap - about $14 each way. The bus ride to Bangkok was late and delayed, so it actually ended up taking about 10 hours and on the ride back, the bus had to pull in for repairs to the air con. Literally, the bus pulled into a repair station while we all sat and waited. Other than that, it was fine and worth the $14 ticket.

My favorite part though, was the Thai Karaoke shown on the tv screen on the way back. Thai karaoke is a special, special breed of karaoke video. Not only do you get the cheesy acting and production values as American karaoke, but each video has an important moral to tell. My three favorites, in no particular order, were:

1. Boy works with girl. Boy has a crush on girl, but his love is unrequited. Boy moves on and gets a girlfriend. Girl, seeing what she lost, now pursues the boy. Boy is happy. Current girlfriend shows up to pick up boy from work, but boy shows her the hand and tells her to go away. Boy and girl end video smiling and holding hands.

2.Girl is poor, working a factory job to pay for her tiny apartment. Boy always spends his nights cheating on the girl, leaving girl home alone on her birthday. Boy is broke, so poor girl gives him her necklace, which he pawns and then quickly takes his mistress out to dinner. The next day, girl gets hit by a car and the boy discovers that his mistress has a husband. He's heartbroken, but visits his girl at the hospital, realizing what he was missing all along. Girl never finds out he's a cheat. Boy and girl end video, holding hands and smiling.

3. Boy and girl grow up loving each other, but girl's affections fade away as she's romanced by a married customer at the restaurant where she works. At first, his affections are ignored, but slowly he grinds away at her resolve and she proceeds to have an affair with the man. The man's wife catches the two of them canoodling at the restaurant and cold cocks the girl. The next day, the man ignores the girl. Heart broken, the girl proceeds to hang herself on a noose she's tied to a tree. Her old boyfriend discovers her as she's hanging and cuts her down. Girl wakes up to boy smiling into her eyes. Song ends.

OK, I lied, the third video was my favorite.

Other than that, the weekend in Bangkok was pretty fun. I ended up hanging out with some friends I had made during my last trip and even got to catch an English language movie (Iron Man). On Saturday night, I took advantage of being in Bangkok to go and get a good Thai Massage, which ended up being one of the funnier conversations I've had in a while - I had made the mistake of letting my massuese know that I had come to Healthland three times before, which apparently is the ok for super painful massage time. My massuese explained to me that she got many korean customers coming through. I asked her if she knew any korean and she said "Only one word. 'Opoh'".

I couldn't stop laughing. "Opoh" how a Korean says "ow"!

It was appropriate - the massage hurt like hell.