In my inbox today sat waiting a draft announcement that Patrick had put together to send out concerning my departure.
"This was not an easy email to write," it starts.
I replied back, "This was not an easy email to read!"
For over 8 years I've worked at Volt. All of my managers there - Sheila, Patrick, Rob, Scot - have all become good friends of mine, even with the small barriers I put in place to keep work seperate from my private life. Volt was my first job out of school, was where I met my first "serious" girlfriend (for all of three months, but still), and afforded me the opportunity to buy my first house and first car. Reading his announcement was like reading an obituary.
Patrick called me shortly after I replied, where we sketched out my last four weeks. Towards the end of the call he said, "I was hoping that the email would jar you and have you change your mind - its not too late, you know."
The surprising thing is that after all I've gone through, I thought about it. Strangely enough, that's when I realized that I had to go through with this, if only because its the scariest single thing I've done since leaving for college. That twinge to change my mind - that twinge of doubt essentially is the whole reason I'm doing this. I recognize that as much as I love this company and the people here, its become a huge safety blanket. I haven't done anything with my life in the last 8 years without first thinking about my job.
This is responsibility gone amok and is not something that I like about myself. So I just laughed to cover up that second of doubt and said to Patrick, "You know, the fact that I even thought about changing my mind just means I have to go."
Being scared can be a good thing.